Satan Is The Coolest Guy God Created

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Here is an image we all grew up to see and know as Satan, well, they lied to us

You don’t understand.

Satan is one of the coolest things God has ever created.

Fine. Sexy. Suave. Not that rubbish they draw in your Christian tracts and magazines. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘The devil wears Prada‘? Well, the movie is totally irrelevant to this post but the imagery isn’t.

Satan is fiiiiiiiiiiine.

Ezekiel says of him “…every precious stone adorned you: ruby, topaz and emerald, chrysolite, onyx and jasper, sapphire, turquoise and beryl. Your settings and mountings were made of gold; on the day you were created they were prepared.”

Think about an attractive, athletic, middle aged kneegah rocking badass kicks. Or a fine sister with a hourglass figure smiling two thousand megawatts. Or an older gentleman with the beginnings of grey at his temples. Punk haircut. Preaching. There.

Satan knows the Bible more than your pastor, shebi you know

And Satan goes to Heaven. From time to time. To see his Father. The capital G.O.D. shebi you know

Ah now… They don’t ever tell you that part, do they?

But of course. What do they TELL you in that church anyway?

Let me explain it to you like you’re six years old.

See all of this stuff? It’s like politics. [I said like] Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are friends but you wouldn’t ever know. During the elections, they fought and bitch-slapped each other but behind closed doors they drank wine and laughed kiff-kiff. Same with Obasanjo and Soyinka. Same with Davido and Whizkid. And you, because you don’t understand, you come on Facebook to kill yourself by putting your foot in your mouth.

The truth is, God is Satan’s Father. They may not laugh together. They may not like each other. But that doesn’t change the fact that they often see each other.

The Bible says “...Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them.”

So… There.

Now, Satan really IS the bad guy. [Forget Falz and Olamide] The devil is a bad muthabucka even though he is very subtle about it.

The Bible calls him the prince of the power of the air.

He has incalculable physical strength, invulnerability, flight, bleeds willpower, has a devastating sonic cry, telepathy and the power to speak to and understand animals. As the shining one, his powers are significantly superior to that of other angels.

Sometimes he goes about like a roaring lion, sometimes he makes no noise about his intentions until he’s in your bed. But even though he is imbued with all of these abilities, he is eternally jealous of Jesus and is a bloody copy cat. Kneegah is always calling himself the Morning star. Just like Jesus.

In Numerology, Lucifer, Jesus and Joshua [Which, by the way, is another name for Jesus in Hebrew] all have the same sum 74. Multiply that by 9. 666.

God’s perfect number is characterized by 7. So that anything else would be considered imperfect, right? And how much more imperfect than 1 digit below the perfect number of God? Triple that and you get 666.

And yeah, when the time comes, the Anti-Christ might not use the name Lucifer because of the evil connotations it has. Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if his earthly name would be Jesus. Or Yeshua. Or Joshua. Some variation like that.

You’ll be surprised how close he is.

There are some who say the UPS bar code is a pattern of 6 numbers 3 times and of course, this code is associated with buying and selling. Scientists have been working on implantable microchips for people, as far back as 2002. You think it’s just in the movies?

Think again. Think Electronic. Think Airwaves. Think Power.

That appellation “The prince of the power of the air”… It strikes me as an interesting one. Makes one wonder, what tool would such a prince use?

You ever hear the phrase “Big Brother is watching“? Think about the main computer that keeps all our information.

Think about the internet.

THAT is what such a prince would use

Already there are people who are so addicted to the internet, people who would fall sick if they were offline for one day.

The internet is laughing. It knows your secrets. It knows what you like. It knows where you live. The internet never forgets.

Now, I’m not suggesting that one should go and live under a rock with the primitive mangai tribe,

photo credit: google






No. I am saying that we should all be careful. Very careful.

Next time when your pastor tells you the devil is powerless, tell him wehdon sah. Don’t give him your tithes, he’s a charlatan.

How can you even say that when Jude 1:9 says “But even Michael, one of the mightiest of the angels, did not dare accuse the devil of blasphemy, but simply said, ‘The Lord rebuke you!’ (This took place when Michael was arguing with the devil about Moses’ body.)

It makes me laugh really. Whenever I see a certain sect of Christians shouting “Die Die Die.” I’m always tempted to ask Biko, who is dying? Is it the people who are your enemies? Or the demons that even Jesus did not kill. He cast them into swine.

Oga Pastor, We know that the name of Jesus, every knee must bow. But you need to stop lying. You can’t kill demons. Bind, yes. Loose, yes. But never kill.

Be forming James Bond. Mouse that does not know its place says that since the day the cat delivered a baby, it has not gone to offer congratulations.

Free meat, eh?

Alright, I’m going to go now.

I just thought to let you know.

If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.

Have a fine day.

Written by : Hannu Afere

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