Written on Facebook by Penocrat Ayomide Ugonna

2019
Who has your ears?

Why I hate pre-wedding photos (1)

I’m sorry, but there are a lot of things I find funny in this space. Especially among married women.

I woke up to an inbox message from a newly married woman. Her SINGLE friends had advised her to leave her home temporarily because her husband has been giving her the cold shoulder for some days now. Las las, when she packs up and leave, Oga would be the one to come look for her. Really?

The internet has not just open-sourced information, it has also open-sourced insecurity, stupidity and low self-esteem.

Many married women no longer sit down to iron out issues in their home. These new ones especially. Any small thing, they run to single ladies on social media for advice. And most of us na counsel of Ahitophel we dey give. Divorce to the rescue!

“You think your husband is cheating on you? Cheat back or divorce him.”
“He’s ignoring you, start going out with other men to make him jealous or divorce him.”
“He behaves in a way you don’t like? Divorce his black hairy ass!”
“He didn’t take the kids to school today? Let them stay at home or better still, divorce him!”
He does this? Divorce him! He does that? Divorce him! Odiegwu.

Let me be the proverbial vegetable to your mental diet of junk food, just for today.

One night, I once had a Whatsapp chat with a friend of mine in respect to the things I expected when it came to marriage.

And I replied: “I just want to be happy.”

After the chat, I pondered on my words.👆

Do I really have the strength and grit to be happy?

And it dawned on me that happiness doesn’t fall off the tree like mangoes in March, or sprout out the sky like rainbows.
It dawned on me that the road to happiness was bumpy, and at times, shitty. It dawned on me that happiness requires hard work and it is not something I can magically discover on Google or in self-help books.

With struggle and resilience, I have to work it out. Cultivate it. Nurture it. And fight for it, if need be.
In a nutshell, happiness is not given, It is earned.

You want to start a business? Get ready for the risks. The uncertainties. The failures. The headless pursuits. If you die, you die. If you don’t? Game changer ti shele.

You want an amazing body? Oya three things. Gym to the rescue. Get ready to bench-press a skyscraper or reduce your portions and begin to eat like an ant or cough out serious money for surgery. Against these my dear, no law.

You want a great marriage? On your marks, get set. Don’t get me wrong, there will be sharwarma and pizza days and ice cream plus plenty love affirmations, garnished with amazing sex o.

But there’ll also be days the phone won’t ring. Days of rejections, unreleased sexual tensions, forgotten birthdays, emotional psychodramas, tough conversations, heated arguments, awkward silences, even OCDs.

Happiness is not for quitters. Everyday nor be I love you, I love you. Forget all these liberation messages and studio pictures you see on social media. Sit down and pay the price. Work your way through it all. Fight.

Two people living under the same roof constantly can’t be all roses and unicorns. Even in your girlfriend-boyfriend relationships, wahala dey enter picture. Even in our normal platonic friendships too, we deal with issues. How much more marriage? Checkianu ya.

I know we live in an ‘instant’ era. A generation where everything is almost on quick-fix mode. Divorce papers, microwaves, yam pounders, dishwashers, coffee makers, ATMs, washing machines… I know.

These days, we have too many options. ITK friends, Dr.Google, Pastors, Cable TV, Therapists, Social media, Counsellors, Prophets, Native doctors, mother-in-laws, Toke Makinwa, Amara, BBnaija etc. I gerrit.
But all these still can’t replace hard work as the ONLY panacea for true success. For happiness.

No, you can’t go through life on cruise control. Kolewerk! Life doesn’t roll like that. No way!

People who enjoy the processes are the ones who get the trophies. You don’t cut corners and emerge a winner. Na lie.

Aunty, even if you eventually jump out of that your marriage and jump into another one, you still have to apply WISDOM and EFFORT, unless you’ll be right back where you started, in no distant time. Take it or take it, don’t leave it.

P.S: And this is not even a motivational sontin. I’m only trying to remind y’all on the basic principles of life that determines our successes.

Scratch that, this is me saying, stay away from my inbox. Plix!😒

Again, thanks for coming to my TED talk.🙏

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