Dear Rape Survivor
In line with the #ChurchToo campaign that involves Busola Dakolo and a Pastor Biodun Fatoyingbo, I have a few concerns and I want to share them with you.
These things can mess up a person’s recovery journey.
I am sure your social media newsfeed has been fed with posts for an against the two persons and the revelations of the posts can be quite shocking and unsettling for you as a survivor.
I know you are still nursing your pain after your bitter experience and we have told you to own your story and speak up with the promise that it helps you heal and also encourages others to do so.
We have also encouraged you not to bear the pain and trauma alone but to seek help.
We have also tried to let you know that stigmatization is almost a thing of the past.
I remember we always tell you to take your time and heal, choosing when to come out with your story.
But recent happenings may have led you to disbelieve all we said.
I would encourage you to bear in mind that your story is still your story.
I am also here, encouraging you not to let the claws of the pain and trauma seep into your skin deeper than it has. Spill it when you are ready.
Spill it, irrespective of who your rapist is.
Spill it, even if you cry.
Spill it, even if you still shake as you do.
Spill it, even when you feel, it’s been too long a time.
Spill it, even when you do not have any ‘evidence’ like they expect you to.
Spill it, even when you do not have the stories perfectly aligned to fit their narrative of a perfect and true rape story or testimony.
Busola spilled hers after about 17 years. And She still shed her years while spilling her truth.
Don’t let anyone bully you into hiding your emotions or your tears. Remember, you are first a HUMAN BEING and human being express EMOTIONS.
Dear Fellow Survivor, if you have your story and you know you WANT to SHARE IT so you find CLOSURE, by all means, share it.
Dear Fellow Survivor, if you feel you are still hurting due to the amount of trauma your mind has had to carry, unburdening is a step towards healing.
Dear Survivor, your gender shouldn’t be the reason why you refuse to share your story if you want to.
Dear Survivor, if you need someone to listen to your story, I am here. Call me. Send me a message.
As one survivor to another, I can say, I have a certain level of understanding as it regards your struggles:
I recognize your struggles. I was there too.
Please don’t let the insensitivity of human beings stop you from finding your closure.
Don’t let the lack of empathy of people stop you from embarking on your journey to healing.