Today I woke up not smiling.
I woke up grieved in my spirit, I did all what I had to do, I prayed, did my devotion and studied my bible, then went about my morning chores.
I did my chores without humming a single line from any of my favourite songs, it was unlikely.
I wasn’t smiling.
I wasn’t happy.
I wasn’t sad but I was grieved.
Sometimes, life hits us and pushes us to a corner. Making us sit, ponder and wonder why you should be in some sort of situation that is really deep and you fear it is deeper than you can withstand.
You fear you are drowning and just wish someone would understand that you really need a lifesaver at that moment.
When the river of life comes like a storm, you wade through the storm with all the strength you have and soon you are left with little or no strength to continue the wading.
The wee hours of this morning was hot, not just the weather, but inside me, I felt a certain kind of hotness within me.
My smiles were diluted with random sighs.
Truth is, I had no idea what was the issue was but I knew something was amiss. I knew something wasn’t right. I knew I had to find out what it was and fix it as soon as possible.
Try as hard as I could, I couldn’t find a reason to jump out of my present state. It was overwhelming and energy-consuming.
I was desperately in dire need of changing how I felt this morning.
I couldn’t fathom why I was disturbed.
The more I tried to comprehend what was going on in my head, the more downcast I became.
Then, something happened and in an instant, my mood switched. I became all bubbly, lively and cheerful.
I was grinning from pole to pole.
This strength, this immeasurable joy only comes from within.
The joy that is soothing and liberating.
The joy that is reassuring and enduring.
There is hope.
And that hope gives me joy.