FIRST SECOND AFTER THE FINAL WHISTLE: the whole of Africa would erupt. A tornado of joy would sweep through Nigeria.

FIRST MINUTE: pessimists would keep pinching themselves. It’s too dreamy to be real. Many of the Nigerian players- read heroes- would start a mad, aimless, and ecstatic sprint round the pitch, the rest of them would just break down in tears. I would break down in tears.

AFTER FIVE MINUTES: A new level of shaku-shaku and other Nigerian dances would break out as the whole arena turns green-white-green. Other nationals who know what it means for an African country to lift a cup that literally makes them the champion of the world would don the Nigerian flag too.

Many more televisions, buckets, plates, tables would get broken. Doors would be banged and beaten till they shatter or tear out of their frames. Voices would be lost. Intense euphoria would cause many to pass out. Some would go mad.

TWENTY MINUTES: while FIFA officials are getting the Cup ready, Africans would take over the internet. Nigerians would shut Facebook and Twitter down. They would attain their most historic moment since Lord Lugard, Hope ‘93, Atlanta ’96, Sosoliso, Bellview, PDP, and APC.

THIRTY MINUTES: the Golden Cup is out.

Mikel Obi receives the golden ball. Ahmed Musa takes the Golden boot. The players would receive their medals. Somehow, Ighalo would find one on his neck too.

In an unspeakable moment of rapture, the World Cup would be handed over to the Super Eagles. Mikel Obi would raise it in his proudest moment in history. They would all raise it in their proudest moment in history. I would cry again.

ONE HOUR: Instagram joins Facebook and Twitter, and shuts down.

After all the pictures and celebrations, the original trophy is returned to FIFA.

AFTER A DAY: Voices still remain lost. President Buhari would come on national TV and talk about how his government has won the Cup for Nigeria, therefore “be grateful if you know what I mean.”

A public holiday would be declared.

Pro-Biafrans- the utterly stupid ones, would come out and say their boys did it, that the Cup belongs to Biafra.

A few patients would be discharged from hospitals because joy heals.

J.J Okocha, N. Kanu and other notable players would post inspiring messages. Aiyegbeni Yakubu too would post.

FEW DAYS: the triumphant entry of our players. They have become immortal. Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport is swarming with Nigerians from all over. Plus the glory and fame, Nigeria would become 38 million dollars richer. Thirteen billion, six hundred and ninety-nine million bleeding naira.

President Buhari would be there to welcome them. He would take the gold-plated replica of the trophy and the money; the trophy to his room, the money to be saved.

Nigerians would suddenly realize NEPA/PHCN has actually not taken power for days. So they could actually do it? Every corner could have light at once?

Some Africans would start planning on how to relocate to Nigeria.

CNN, BBC, and others would begin making documentaries about tucked-away villages and unknown hometowns of our players. Nigeria would come into a new limelight. Inspirational speakers would set to work.

“You can come from the slums and still be world champion. It’s in you!”

ONE MONTH: there would be a surge in our sense of pride and national unity. The statistics for intertribal relationships would shoot up. The happiness and unity would be palpable. It would become easier to say, “I’m Nigerian.”

Workers would keep wearing the green Jersey to work. The world media would keep digging and discovering more amazing things about Nigeria. We would suddenly wake and realize/ be reminded of our potentials as a country.

A video of TB Joshua, prophesying our victory a year before would ‘leak’.

Ghanaians are now all over Nigeria in humble adoration and the second coming.

SIX MONTHS: the Nigerian league would get new attention, locally and internationally.

Nigeria leaps and occupies a new spot on the FIFA rankings.

Mikel Obi would tweet: “6 months after victory, no money paid. I still have my medal though. That can’t be taken.”

Vanguard would release a breaking news: “38 million FIFA money missing from Aso Rock.”

Gernot Rohr would be sacked.


Punch newspaper: “Former NFF boss buys Island.”

FOUR YEARS: Qatar 2022. Nigeria is absent.